For years, I thought I knew myself. I had a story, a carefully crafted narrative of who I was (or at least who I thought I was), what I believed, and why I did the things I did. It was a comfortable story, even when it was filled with suffering. Because within that suffering, my ego found a perverse sense of familiarity, a twisted comfort in the known. What I didn’t realise then was that my ego, that incessant voice in my head, was the very architect of my pain and psychological suffering, diligently constructing walls around my heart and keeping me imprisoned in a reality of its own making. .
My name is Robbie, and for a long time, I was filled with rejection, self-doubt, and a pervasive feeling of not being good enough. My ego whispered insidious lies, telling me I felt rejected and unlovable. It thrived in comparison, constantly measuring me against others and finding me wanting. It held onto old wounds, replaying past hurts like a broken record, reinforcing the narrative of rejection. I was so identified with this voice, so convinced that it was me, that I couldn’t even conceive of another way of being. Did I need to see a psychologist again? No, I have tried that and it didn’t work – I felt like I was trying to fix the mind – with the mind but the mind is the problem!
What about self-help books? Those were for other people, people who were weaker, more flawed than me. My ego, ever the master of deflection, convinced me that seeking help was a sign of weakness, a betrayal of the carefully constructed image I had so painstakingly built.
Then, life happened. The carefully constructed walls began to crumble. The anxiety became unbearable, the self-doubt crippling. The mental pain and suffering, which I had so diligently tried to avoid, finally caught up with me, and I was forced to confront the truth: my ego was running the show, and it was driving me straight into the ground.
There were three pivotal moments that began to loosen its grip:
1. The Breakdown: It wasn’t dramatic, no tears or shouting. It was a quiet implosion, a moment of utter exhaustion where I simply couldn’t pretend anymore. I looked in the mirror and saw not the confident façade I had tried so hard to project, but a hollow shell, a reflection of the insecurities that had been gnawing at me for years. In that moment of raw vulnerability, the ego’s carefully crafted mask slipped, and I found the real me underneath.
2. The Question: A simple question, posed by my wife (an amazing Kinesiologist) “Who are you, Robbie, beyond the stories in your head?” It stopped me in my tracks. I had no answer. My identity was so intertwined with my ego’s narratives that I couldn’t separate the two. That question became a seed of inquiry, a persistent nudge towards self-discovery.
3. The Surrender: It wasn’t a grand, dramatic surrender. It was a quiet, internal shift. A moment of acknowledging, “Okay, maybe I don’t have all the answers. Maybe my ego isn’t as wise as I thought.” It was a willingness to let go, to loosen my grip on the familiar pain, to open myself to the possibility of something more.
These moments weren’t magical steps. The ego doesn’t give up easily. It’s a persistent little voice almost like another entity within you that is always trying to reclaim its identity. It doesn’t care what type of identity that it has as long as it has an identity that you believe to be you!
So What Next?
Working with a conscious life coach like myself can provide invaluable support on this journey towards no suffering which is sometimes referred to as enlightenment or peace. I can facilitate you towards a life without the pain and suffering that your ego drives you towards. I can help you understand why it does what it does and build customised tools specific to your situation and the events of your life to help you find clarity and peace of mind. Ultimately I can help you create a life without the constraints and limitations of the egoic mind and help you find the real you inside.
Check out my services page here and see if I can help you.